It is the last minute of Are You Being Served. Captain peacock appears to have ended up in a ridiculous situation, and Mrs Slocomb has mentioned her pussy. John Inman makes a double entendre and the studio audience go wild. Good luck to them all. And then the theme tune kicks in, all Pink Floyd cash registers but better.

And what does it say on the screen?


This perturbed me much as a child. How did they know that I had been watching. Did it say it when I was not watching. Soon the relatively simple philosophy behind the presence of the phrase unraveled to me, I realised that if I had not been watching I could not see the message. It was almost as if this statement, conditional on how my presence, had a mind of its own. It fascinated me.

And then my Dad told me it referred tot he cast. I had been watching John Inman, Wendy Richard and all the girls who played Old Mr Grace’s helpers. Nevertheless, I prefer my reading, and have been looking for plates ever since which say “You Have Been Eating” on the base.