or have the insults and heckles of teenaged hoodlums gone somewhat downhill recently? Here are some, entirely true, examples of abuse hurled at me recently on the streets of Glasgow.

4. “Here, mate, d’ye want a chip?”: This one puzzled me because, contrary to all expectation, it was not followed by a barrage of chips and gravy hurled in my general direction.

3. “Oooh, check out his sexy @rse”: Thanks!

2. 10 year old Ned, with posse of pals: “You got the time, mate?”
Me: “Yeah. Hold on (pause as I check my watch, in which we all wait patiently and silently) Ten past 4.”
10 year old: “Haha, sh1tebag!”

There goes my social conscience!

1. Ned One (to me): “Haw you! Get a haircut”
Ned Two: “Naw, ‘is hairs naw that bad” (thinks) (to me) “Haw, mate, your flies undone”
Ned One: “Aw, yeah, aye. Haha.”