Both sides of the river are full of chicken shops, YESNO? In fact so much so you can barely go two yards without falling over a battered box of bones, YESNO? South London has many chains, independent chicken shops and KFCs. A particular favourite is MORLEYS CHICKEN SHOP. A classic red-top, goes good RIBS and always have a fruit machine in the corner (if you like that sort of thing).

But can you find one in North London? NO!!! North London is full of white and blue tops, strange ‘kebab’ shops which offer OVEN BAKED CHICKEN – err like whatever dudes, but if you want a Morleys – you gotta cross that river. It’s as if the psychic divide of a City has manifested itself in the shape of squat red buildings selling VOODOO BONES, representing the feisty Southern yoof versus the civilised three-wheeled buggies of the North!! Morleys chicken shops are the KEY TO TIME!!! If a Morleys were to open North of the river, it would be like a voodoo terrorist psychogeographical act that would bring the City to it’s knees! For god’s sake, the equilibirium must be maintained!!!

For the moment, we appear to be safe. However, Northerners, if you see the red buildings start to form in your area… it will be the beginning of the war…