I need to know’ Is she my grandchild? Don’t get rid of our baby’ I’m no cheat. And my personal favourite, Wife ‘ Stop Disappearing. All recent subtitles on Trisha, which is followed on ITV2 by the far superior Trisha Extra.

In spite of its title, Trisha Extra contains less Trisha than normal Trisha, if you follow. So instead of Trisha Goddard offering advice and forcing her guests to get counselling (yes forcing; today she refused to hand over the DNA results until the young couple signed up) you get Karl Newton.

Karl, with his EasyJet orange shirt and gelled up hair, looks like a sort of Guantanamo Bay Tintin. His main job is to interview guests before and after the show and the lack of guile with which he does this is charming. A typical Newton interview will begin with him asking, ‘So, your children have disowned you, you’re not allowed to see your grandkids and you’ve only got six weeks to live. Do you see a way forward from here?’ The interviewee then collapses in tears and Karl stands there looking vaguely bewildered, like a kid who’s just knocked down a stack of cans in Tesco. His follow up question is usually, ‘Er’ you all right?’

Great stuff. Anyway, if you find Trisha (or the fact that you’re watching it) depressing, Trisha Extra is a tonic.