I almost feel like a traitor even bringing attention to Turn on Terry, what is quite plainly and clearly the worst programme on television. I always had a soft spot for Terry Christian and always thought he was a sharper wit than most people imagine. I am slowly coming to the opinion that I must have been wrong all along. For those of you who go to bed at a godly hour and have not been punished by the trial by television that its TOT, let me explain.

Turn On Terry is no less and no more than a television review programme. The format is equally simple. Terry Christian stumbles over his autocue introducing a recent television programme, and then asks his two guests “what they think ov thaat then?” His guests are people he has stumbled across in Manchester Piccadilly Station and nearly always consist of Tony Wilson. Last night he was joined by Amanda from Big Brother, a contestant so spectacularly uncsuccessful even I did not recognise her.

Myself and my two flatmates gawped on in horror, barely registering a word as these people then proceeded to slag off everything on television, without realising thegrowing hypocrisy. Perhaps in Terry Christians world there should be 24 hour Turn On Terry, but this will finally mean it would have to pay attention to itself and realise that it was truly the worst thing ever committed to video. And Paul Ryder, the lifeless leader of the house band (! – this show has a house band AND a milling about audience) knows it. Droning “Its end of Part one” far too long than was strictly necessary he knew that Dante had written a book about this kind of torture.