Another year, more whizzy ideas from the big international beer companies. Yet again returning to that old bugbear, why don’t women drink more beer? Of course you could just give up on trying to make people drink stuff they don’t want to drink, but the big brewcos would rather spend a million dollars trying to develop a beer they do like. Which is exactly what Molson Coors and Carlsberg have done as this Morning Advertiser article suggests, next to a stock picture of four women enjoying beer (so they clearly wasted money). As Kerry said looking at this stuff, she like the discussion of “targeting females” as if they were skittish creatures running around in the underbrush.

We have been here, or hereabouts before. Weaker beer for Corporate Social Responsibility purposes. The third pint glass was supposed to appeal to women who find the word third so much more attractive than half or pint. And let us not forget the goddess of beer Ninkasi, or indeed our old favourite the lady with a pint forehead. Yes brewers there are lots of people who don’t drink beer. Some of them don’t like it, some of them actively prefer the other drinks on offer. Attempting to make a lager with an even less bitter aftertaste starts taking us down to surely the ultimate solution, alcoholic sparkling water. But I for one welcome the patronising invention of Eve, Carlsberg Copenhagen, and Animee (I don’t even know how to pronounce that last one). I am intrigued by Animee being released in standard, rose and citrus flavours. For I adore a big budget marketing exercise gone wrong, and the idea that innovation and branding can make people drink things they are never going to drink is the epitome of that. When are KP going to release the peanuts that they have designed especially for people allergic to peanuts? Made in a factory which handles peanut products.

I recognise that beer is seen traditionally as a male drink, even if it was invented and generally brewed by women from its invention. But the pub and boozy culture did have a male stink about it that no subtle rebranding or All Bar One makeover is going to change overnight. There doesn’t seem to be a similar concern from the wine producers though than men are not drinking as much – say – Rose Wine as they should be. Well, Hardy’s Stamp Zinfandel, you may not have thought of it, but here on Freakytrigger we are offering you the marketing half of this problem. You may still need to tweak the wine to the particular tastes of men, bitter aftertaste, a slightly aggressive tang. But the concept is simple. Pink Wine for MEN. A million pound ad campaign fronted by the manliest men that money can buy. Picture this, a boxing club, somewhere seedy but full of men. Ray Winstone struggling to uncork a competitor brand’s bottle of rose due to the complexity of corks, then glaring at the camera saying ‘screw you’ – cut to Jason Statham easily headbutting off the screwcap on ROZE. ROZE – THE WINE FOR MEN.

Note the stylish and now use of the Z, as in Coke Zero: men know they are being marketed to when a Z comes into play. It also means that if we are targeting a low calorie version at the Men’s Health market we can call that ROZERO.

The billboard campaign is simplicity itself.