WARNING: The Mega BBQ Burger at the Pakenham Arms is not for you. I’m sorry. That is just the way it is. Perhaps you think the extra large burger, with its onion rings, tomato, cheese and bacon would be just what you need to build up you faint heart into a hearty heart like the big boys who kick sand in your face. But consider why this warning is on the menu. The burger itself might be too big to pick up, or may fall apart in your grasp. Just because you end up eating it with a knife and fork does not mean you are faint hearted, but it shows that even the strongest man may not be able to cope. Perhaps your body will not be able to take the combination of bacon and extra bacon because they ran out of onion rings. Perhaps you would overestimate your capacity and try and eat the Mega BBQ burger in full, and thus spear the top and bottom of your mouth with the stick used to keep it together*.

No, the warning is there for a reason, and that is as much to protect you, as it is to protect the Pakenham from litigation from the faint-hearted’s relatives. You have been warned.

*I have done this elsewhere, not inside my mouth but spearing my nose and chin with a hidden assembly toothpick.