Is someone on anti-crack at the Ananova offices? In a relatively tedious quirky entitled “Thief Falls Asleep“, is the pure gold of the final line:

Police spokesperson said: “It is like Goldilocks on gin”.

And suddenly the whole three bears story makes a lot more sense. The Daddy bears porridge/gin’n’tonic was too strong, mummy bears not strong enough. But baby bears was just right. No wonder she needed a kip.