The Marlborough Arms

The third pub on the Star Of David Pub Crawl was a rather depressing pub when we arrived, home of plenty of punters drinking on their own. A pub I have frequented quite a lot; it has never been cheap, and is often often over-full. One of our party was almost instantly attacked by a man in a hat who then dominated the quizzer, where some of us were keen on getting money back (I have had good luck there before). Behind the bar, at one pound a pop, were bottles of Red Square Lager Vodka: a concoction we were keen to test. A bottle was bought and still sits in someone’s bag. We still wonder if it is lager that tastes of vodka (?) an alcopop flavoured with or of lager (the point?) or something even more bizarre.

But to the special architectural merit of the pub. The Gents toilets. (The ladies may be special too, I await confirmation). The toilets have always been my favourite part of this pub. Both sets are downstairs, the gents down a narrow straight set. Before its most recent refurb, these stairs had two banisters on each wall. Thus an enterprising and pissed young Pete would cuff his jumper, and slide down the banisters. I suppose this may have caused accidents due to its removal. But it was the most fun toilet in Central London.

Now this has been removed, the pub has made an olfactory appeal to retain its uniqueness. Put bluntly, the gents smell of Chocolate Orange. How this unique disinfectant was discovered I do not know. Perhaps it is the next step up from those Orange Power cleaning sprays advertised on Five in the daytime. Though I fear for any disinfectant which could be hijack by Dawn French spraying this Mister Muscle into her mouth. “Its not for urinals, its mine”: squirt squirt.