LONDON BRIDGE IN MICKEY TAKING SHOCKER: Whilst standing in a bleary haze on platform 6 waiting for the train to Charing Cross (it’s these details that make or BREAK! a successful blogger, I tell yer) I look up and see a picture of a RAM in a Gentleman’s Club in a pose of confident recline that I imagine Boris Johnson to assume at the East Croydon Conservative Club, or something. Either way, the posing RAM was in my vision on a honking great big BILLBOARD for YOUNGS B33R. Argh! What is a lady to DO faced with the prospect of CCP’s so early in the morning?

A lady looks away.

To the next billboard, my eye drifts. An “art-deco” picture of some beach-houses, the type one expects to see on posters from the 50s advertising “See Brighton by RAIL!”. I sigh in relief. Surely this is just an advert for one of those bizarre City tailors that make pink shirts and yellow faux-silk ties and think this is a GOOD THING?? Seriously! Have you seen them? It’s NOT RIGHT! Oh look at me, digressing again. Yes but, I then look at the subtle text at the top, and instead of reading “Moss Bros” or something, it reads “ADNAMS. THE BEER FROM THE COAST” (or words to that effect).


Overcome by the double WHAMMO of TWO BEER ADVERTS before 8am, I fall over on my bottom and sit in a puddle, and scratch my head in overwhelment.

Then the train comes, and I note to my horror that I am sitting opposite a lady wearing nails which are painted red, blue, green, black and red again. I do not endorse this. Hands that look like they belong to children’s TV presenters should NOT in fact live on a white-bloused commuter. No! They should be teamed with DUNGAREES, and GUNGE! Won’t someone let her KNOW, I thought??

Luckily the train then ARRIVED and I committed no social FAUX PAS.

I’ve digressed for the THIRD TIME, I note, but I shall leave by imparting you with the FACT that I’ve just had a DOUGHNUT. Oh I love doughnuts. Not much JAM in the middle though. Come on Tesco, get a grip…