BISCUITS FOR CHEESE: apparently in some reaches of the world, it is not very acceptable just to bite off big chunks of cheese from the block (FULES do they not KNOW the extra saliva = taste sensation extraordinaire?!), and therefore they invest in one of those cheese knives. They’re a bit daft aren’t they, come to think of it. A curly knife? I mean, how does that help? Surely you just want a nice sharp cleaver for your cheddars et al? Perhaps they’re better with creamier blue cheeses and soft cheeses, where you don’t want the cheese to stick to the knife as much. Ah. I get it.

ANYWAY, but along with this “knife” thing, you are also supposed to eat cheese with something more than just your average cracker. BUT WHAT!!! you arsk, WHAT COULD POSSIBLY be good enough to go with my tasty cheese treats!! Luckily you can get a BISCUITS FOR CHEESE box and problem solved!

Right? RIGHT? You’re not sure? WELL I WILL TELL YOU!

IT IT THUS! Those tasty yummy HOVIS biscuits! Why oh why oh why, Mr Hovis, do you not sell these seperately! They are so tasty and go so well with a nice soft cheese! I’m thinking strangely, Port Salut or something like that here. You don’t want to get wheaty crumbs on yer Stiltons et al, do you, and pongy brie may clash a little. A softish cheddar too would work, but a hard one could result in too dry an experience. STILL, I’d drink em with a cup of tea given the chance. Part of their charm is their scarcity and the fact you know you’ve got the rest of the box of biscuits to eat too. There’s always a thin glazed one, which I’m sure someone is trying to make into a flipping Japanese Rice Cracker or something, which obv = rub, some Water Biscuits which I like, but always think are a bit on the THIN SIDE and should also be eaten with cucumber* and er, what else is there? Cor blimey…

… I can’t remember. Who makes these boxes anyway? Are they a posh thing for dinner parties? Does anyone ever buy them to eat with a casual cheese eating experience? Do enough people HAVE dinner parties with a cheese course these days to make these biscuits worth their while? If they do…

I’m glad.

*I don’t know why, it must be an inbuilt British thing eh what old boy?