Every week I get a copy of marketing. Every week I fillet it for news that might be of vague interest to the rest of the world, particularly that segment of it which likes BOOZE and SNACKS.


1. Tizer is launching Tizer Colourz, versions of Tizer coloured green, orange and purple. No details of ‘flavours’. GOOD WORK TIZER as long as it doesn’t start sponsoring CD:UK.
2. Sharwoods is planning a big relaunch after last year’s ‘Bundh’ sauce range misfired. ‘Bundh’, it turns out, means ‘arse’ in Punjabi.
3. Goodbye Victoria Wine, Wine Rack and Bottoms Up, source of much of my student ruin. All three are being replaced with “TheLocal” which will also sell news and mags.
4. Why-is-it-still-on-sale squash rip-off Snapple is making a grab for the ‘youth market’ with some nasty mid-90s graphics. All very Street-Porteresque. There’s a new website too which I won’t link to.
5. Innocent’s new slogan: “If you’ve enjoyed our smoothie, why not try our other products like sand, rainbows or maybe plankton.” Num num.
6. ‘Reality’ is IN in the food market. Organic chain ‘Fresh And Wild’ (which I’m far too unhealthy to have heard of) is relaunching as ‘the real food store’ but more significantly CAPTAIN BIRDSEYE is rebranding along similar lines, playing up the ‘realness’ and, ahem, ‘nutrition’ of his range.
7. Chairman Mick of CAMRA has decreed that May is Make Mine A Mild Month.


1. That ad campaign with Busta Rhymes getting sucked down an airline toilet? The next ‘idle thumbs’ star is going to be Christina Aguilera. Whether she’ll be the object of piss-taking like previous leads I’m not sure, nor are there any details as to what Xtina gets up to when her thumbs are idle.
2. New magazine to be launched for 21-40 year old men, called Blink. Films, music and style, apparently.
3. Euro 2004 slogan from Carling: “Your country needs you”. The promotion seems to involve a huge plastic pointing finger with the England flag on it!
4. Ann Summers in trouble with the ASA for its recent posters showing a wench on a hobby horse with the slogan “Ride A Cock Horse”.

Pumpkin Publog