Blackpool. Golden mile. What might this suggest?Well to me obviously, it would be a mile of wonderous, beautiful pints. Blackpool disagrees, its golden mile is named after the slightly sewaged tinged sand. And there are no pubs in Blackpool at all.

Okay, that is not strictly true. But there are no good pubs near the sea front and the town centre is full of horrible things which may have been pubs once are now vomitariums cum bare knuckle boxing rings. On an off season Sunday evening I had seen a streetside upchuck followed by a bloke trying to batter a quizmaster in the only pub we could find. The Yates Wine Bar in the centre of town was closed for refurbishment, for which I read sluicing down and fumigating.

Instead the golden mile is made up of solid family hotels. In which one finds the Hotel Bar. A nice formica affair with Calsbeg (or if you are lucky Skol) on tap and a selection of Cherry Brandy’s and Chartrueses on the back bar. Served by the aged family member who is on duty, with a scowl especially if it is after 9pm. Which is a shame as with the manky food and lack of nightlife you cannot enjoy without being absolutely smashed is next to zero. Perhaps it was because there was a conference of students there that they hid all the pubs. Cos it can’t be as terrible as that all year round AND be Britain’s number one holiday destination. Can it?