On diet mixers! I tell you what, drinking vodka and boring ole slimline tonic is very BORING. Instead of the HURRAH HURRAH type drunk you get from Lovely Beer all you get is a headache and a vague feeling of restlessness and alienation. No wonder Richey gave it all up to go sledging round Val D’Isere – if only he’d been a real ale drinker!

ENTER: RICHEY, with pen, paper and pint of B33R:

RICHEY: Hey guys! Check out the new tracklisting for our new album, the followup to kinda popular Gold Against the Seoul!

SEAN: Isn’t my hair silky?

RICHEY: YES! …. and that’s track number one. Next, 4st7lbs (I wouldn’t say my mother in law’s FAT, BUT!!!) and Faster (Steady on Matron)…

NICKY: Stop it Richey else you’ll be making the Pie in the Summertime jokes again.


JAMES: *passes vodka to RICHEY*


RICHEY *glugs vodka*


Actually I think he had a point, I’m sure neat vodka MUST be nicer than sodding slimline tonic. I do wonder what difference there is between diet/lady tonic and fat/man tonic. 90 calories?! Jaysus. I’m sticking to neat GIN!