Tempting though Tom’s accounts of Macdonalds are, I still won’t be visiting my local (horrific) branch. Mainly because I have the fantastic GRUBS on my doorstep to cater to my every burgery need. There are four or five branches in Brighton, not including the sadly short-lived Gobs, an organic variant. (There is now Sobs instead, which is, inexplicably, pizza.)

At Grubs you can get 100% beef or 100% vegetarian burgers in three different sizes and with a dizzying list of relishes covering two large blackboards (and there is no restriction on your choice of these if you’re having a veggie burger, which is nice). Your basic burger comes in at around ‘1.80, but for real value go for the chips… the portions are MASSIVE. ‘Regular’ is about three times as many as the Burger King/Macdonalds equivalent, and ‘Large’ is completely unmanageable. What you CAN eat are exactly the right thickness and crispiness though.

I’m rather fond of the mushroom burger at the moment, but there are exciting blue cheese and hawaiian experiments still to be carried out… the chilli burger is frankly dangerous though. Another hazard is hungry local vagrants who come in and hang about until the unwary staff call out a completed order, then claim it before anyone else can. A pitfall of the prepaid burger, alas.