The Aberdeen Angus Steak House I have always been assured is some sort of money laundering operation. Think about it. They have well over twenty restaurants in prime locations in central London. To your tax inspector in Bradford or East Kilbride this suggests that you must be a successful, thriving business pumping that toursit cash straight into your coffers. In actual fact your are dour, plush red places who overcharge for poorly done steaks*. If this is not a way of laundering money from otherwise dodgy drug deals then creative accounting must be much more creative than all the other arts put together.

Having found out once that two of the many kebab houses on Haringey Green Lanes were infact owned by Scottish businessmen I concocted a complex, yet plausible origin of the Aberdeen Angus Steak House phenom. Namely, so incensed by the Scots moving into their turf, the Turkish Mafia proceeded to set up the AASH chain as revenge. Even as we speak a vicious (surf’n’) turf wars is being fought between Scottish and Turkish organised crime leaving no prisoners, except the inmate like looks from people who are suckered into any of their establishments.

*As every Londoner knows with ever having been there.