On the one hand I think if you’re going to advertise a pub quiz then you should have the bloody pub quiz and not call it off because too few people have turned up, on the other I can see that pubs are businesses first and they’re not going to throw good prize money away on me and my mates. However the one hand is a huge green Hulky fist and the other is a tiny shriveled claw, so the Publog can say fairly straight DO NOT GO TO THE SETTLE INN in Archway. They are chiselers.

OK, do go there on Sunday nights if the music quiz is on because it’s easy and if you’re reading Freaky Trigger you’ll probably win it. You get free shots for each round you win and a bottle of champagne at the end, I believe. The general knowledge quiz that was meant to be on last night works in the same way. The idea is to even the odds between rounds by getting the best teams hammered.

Still we had a good time, not much thanks to the Settle Inn which is a bleak stripped-pine affair and feels empty even when it isn’t. We went on to the Whittington And Cat, an Irish-run pub which boasts a mummified cat. When Tim mentioned the cat I thought ‘bandages’ but no, it’s a hairless, thin cat corpse which looks like it’s made out of beef jerky. Still a superior pub ornament. They also had traditional Irish music playing intermittently, not advertised or anything, just some old boys who took up the pipes every few minutes. A good pub, then, and a happy ending.