Just leave me alone! Pubs are for drinking in – that seems pretty obvious. For me, it’s no particular problem if people want to have too much to drink in a pub. Indeed, it’s not quite the same if there is no row of drunken sods propping up the bar. But I feel there some etiquette to these things.

– by all means, sit silently in the corner with two dozen empty pint glasses on the table in front of you. Feel free to glare around menacingly.
– by all means, start shouting and start banging the table (goodness knows, I’ve done it enough times myself).

Just don’t come over and try to engage me in conversation!

I’m not an unamiable person. I pride myself on being easy-going. But there is a time and a place for making new friends and it is not when you are drunk and your selected t’te-‘-t’te target is trying to have their own conversation (or a pub quiz). Twice in a couple of weeks some really dodgy geezers have tried to make my acquaintance before closing time. Do I look like I want to hear their ramblings? Do I? DO I?

Some examples of the kind of drivel I’ve had to put up with of late.

“I’ve got a hundred and fifty thousand pounds in the bank. I bloody well have!”
“Dutch waterways, yeah you know, like KLM!”

If they want to be addled and sociable, they should get themselves to the nearest Wetherspoons where that sort of behaviour is tolerated/condoned+encouraged.