An observation It can be exasperatingly difficult to fasten a button-fly when drunk. Acutely embarrassing fumblings next to the pissior may occur. It’s much safer to ensure that, when off for an evening of alchofun, one is wearing trousers that are accoutred with a zip-fly.

Other items of clothing to avoid wearing when going down the pub include: caftan, clown shoes, top hat, Cradle of Filth T-shirt (in All Bar One), lederhosen, lifejacket.