My parents are packing up and moving to a caravan!!!! Oops sorry, a park home. This means I have had to clear away some CDS. Whot??? OF COURSE I document this on NYLPM! Dere readers, shock and gasp at the revelations of “she bought THAT????” as we delve through the CDs that I term REJECTED!!!!

Exhibit 1: Hillman Minx – I’ve had enough/Heavens Above TWO PROMOS! What my preciousss, is this?? Oh I remember! Something that is instantly dated, due to namechecking Ginger Spice, Wonderbras, the Eurostar and Damien Hurst. They’ve had enough? I’ve had enough of this too, NEXT!! Quite horrifically – a lot of their HORRIFICALLY BARBED VICTIMS OF ATAK are still about – proving that crap indie as a form of protest can NEVAH match up to the bombast of Live Aid.

Exhibit 2: (dere me) David Devant and his Spirit Wife – Cookie. What on earth could haf been behind this purchase??? If I was at the height of my Manics phase, perhaps the fact that it features leopard print design and got a good review in the Melody Maker by Simon Price??? DANGER NOW. This is absolutely DIRE! Leave the vorgy squiggly basslines to YES and if you have the misfortune to come from London, NEVER try to sound ARCH. Also, I would severely recommend forbidding the Manics to anyone under the age of 20!! NEXT!

Exhibit 3: Puressence – Traffic Jam in Memory Lane. FACT: no song about traffic lights could EVAH beat ‘Tell Me When My Light Turns Green’ so why this bunch of whingers even bothered trying astounds me. COR! It’s Coldplay played at the wrong speed! Even down to the high voice (memory laaaaaayyyyyyyhhhhhhhhnnnnneeeeeeeee hemhem)!!!! Someone alert the authorities!!! Finally, we may have an excuse to get rid of them!

Right, that’s enough for now, time to listen to a Pixies bootleg which is in the UNREJECTED pile! More horror to come soon MY PRETTIES.