DUEL 2002 — Round 1 Match 4

Duel 2002 Round 1 Match 4

Which Of These Two Bands Is Worse?:

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For the fourth day in a row, the lumpen roar of US nu rock is confronted with the effete preenings of Britain’s dreary alternative elite. And there can’t be many artistic gulfs wider than between today’s contestants, two outfits united only by a general ghastliness — oh, and by being ugly bleeders. With Slipknot, at least, it’s intentional. The crow-huffing showmen of sports metal clearly realized that dressing up as Troma film rejects and calling themselves things like The Shape would distract from the grotesque sludge that passes for Slipknot music. And it might have worked, too — except unfortunately Slipknot gigs don’t come with a volume knob (though 9 other kinds are supplied).

As for Muse – well, we at Freaky Trigger don’t generally approve of the word ‘pretentious’. It may be the longest word most Haven fans know, but it routinely gets hurled at anyone trying to bring a bit of colour, style, imagination or difference into pop. In fact we can scientifically determine that the last time the word was actually applicable was in 1983 with the release of Ultravox’s Rage In Eden. Until, that is, last year’s Muse opus, Origin of Symmetry, an unpleasant farrago of prog chops, bad poetry, and grating art-metal moves fronted by a cross between Edward Scissorhands and the ‘BEFORE’ part of a Clearasil ad.

Yesterday’s Result: DAVID GRAY 53% – Linkin Park 47%

The closest Duel! yet, but still Linkin Park become the first nu-metal band deemed just not quite bad enough to go through to Round 2, and the head-shaking troubadour slips into the last 16. Here’s what you had to say:

‘I can only hope our American voters put aside their visceral – if justified – dislike of nu-metal and back Gray as the worst. Linkin Park are basically a feeble version of Limp Bizkit – they’re bad, but they haven’t single-handedly kicked off a movement of badness the way David Gray has. Burn all his CDs on a colossal bonfire of coffee tables!’

‘If Linkin Log were as big as the Bisquick they’d be just as annoying.’

‘nothing worse than baby faced AOR. And, hell, i even *like* “in the end”‘

‘The hip-hop stations play park. Those must be like the only white dudes they play. Gray wins.’

‘well anyone who was brought to market by d. matthews automatically wins, duh, right? plus i really think ‘in the end’ is a pretty great song and i like the way the singer-guy screeches all phlegmy-like.’

‘Hmmmm….David Gray = yawnfest. He is more boring than the Beautiful South, and more annoying than Star Sailor. Please let him go through to the next round. Please. Please. I’ll be your best friend.’

‘Bad as I’m sure Linkin’ Park are, I don’t have to listen to them every time I go to a cafe or shop of any kind. And they never recorded a whinesome version of Say Hello Wave Goodbye.’

‘David Gray Vs. Tom McCrae. Now that would’ve been a match-up…’

‘finally a worthy battle! gray wins by a hair, those linkins are just too cute.’

‘Linkin Park asserts superiority through nu-metal posturing combined with an inability to spell (see ‘Korn’, ‘Bizkit’, etc.) Mr. David Gray, in contrast, really and truly believes that what he does is Great Art. The man also bears striking resemblance to the Antichrist himself, Mr. Phil Collins. Thus, Gray will inflict his successful songwriting career on us for decades to come; Linkin Park will not. Linkin Park will learn to spell, move to NYC at age 20, form a bad garage-rock band because it gets more girls than nu-metal ever did, and then thankfully fade from existence.’

‘nasty nasty music for accountants and teachers who want to be a bit ‘alternative’ BASTARDS’