Is that all you got? C’mon, show me what you got!

I’m not sure if this is all too new, but a “radio edit” version of the video has been spotted. Hopefully, you’ve lost 20 minutes of your life to the Ego of the King of Pop via the “director’s cut” of this monstrosity. Chris Tucker name checking Jacko’s previous hits during the plot portion of the video (“Oh, no, that girl is MINE!”), Michael Madsen (the Van Gogh afficionado from Reservoir Dogs) grousing and pouting and sweating like a graduate from the Richard Gere School of Emoting, Marlon Brando acting like a restrained Marlon Brando (which is still more surreal than Salvador Dali and a handful of cow eyeballs), and the King of Pop stroking, fingering his mangina and acting tough – I count about 25 knuckle cracks, and the ubiquitous broken glass rage that typifies the crescendo in any post-Thriller Michael Jackson joint. Never mind the fact that the song (oh yeah, this is a VIDEO, there should be a song in there somewhere) sounds like it’s a measure behind itself, with a chorus indistinguishable from the verses (which, thanks to Michael’s whispering, are barely distinguishable behind the yips and HO!s). Poot poot poot. Never mind that Michael is inching ever so closer to looking like one of Whitley Strieber‘s alien abducters. Never mind that his angular features make his dancing seem even more impressive / disturbing. Never mind that his voice sounds like it’s been rolled and molested by a vocoder and a ProTools software package.

Ah, just never mind. Right now, I’m only hoping that the lack of actual presence this single has (at least, on my side of the pond) is a good sign that Jacko’s purported return to the throne might be derailed until he actually, you know, does something worth noting. I’d rather hear Chris Tucker rerecord “Party All The Time”. Shamon indeed.