“I’m a survivor…” I figured I needed to talk about something big for my first post here at NYLPM. I toyed with the idea of writing about how terrifying the band Crazy Town is, and how they became all the more terrifying after I saw a picture of them in a recent Entertainment Weekly. (Did anyone else notice that one guy in the band who looks like he’s in his mid-40s? He’s scarier than the tattooed and pierced ones.) I thought about reporting on the new videos I’ve seen on M2. And then…I heard it. The song that was meant to be the subject of my first-ever post at New York London Paris Munich: “Survivor” by Destiny’s Child.

Now, I like Destiny’s Child. And I’m not talking about that tongue-in-cheek ironic “like” that many people have for pop music. I think Destiny’s Child has some damn catchy songs, I think some of their lyrics are pretty stinkin’ clever in their own special way. When I heard that their new single was called “Survivor,” I was worried that it would be some sort of a Survivor tie-in, the way “Independent Women” was a Charlie’s Angels tie-in. I was worried that there would be shout-outs to Jerri and Amber and Colby. Fortunately, this is not the case. But “Survivor” still disappointed me. First of all, what have Beyonce and Company survived? I saw them on Before They Were Rock Stars or one of those type of shows. None of these women came from any sort of hardship. They’re all, what, 19? They have shitloads of money, they’re beautiful women, they’re young…and they’re this jaded? Come on. I know pop music isn’t supposed to be believable, but this is kind of ridiculous.

Now, nobody’s saying Destiny’s Child are musical geniuses, but “Survivor” is pretty weak musically as well. Maybe kicking those two girls (does anyone remember their names?) out of the band was not such a good idea. It seems like the song isn’t as fleshed out as their earlier songs, it seems like something is missing.

I think the thing I dislike most about “Survivor” is that I can see it becoming the new “I Will Survive,” which means that we’re destined to hear awful versions of it performed at karaoke bars by drunks who have just been dumped by their boy/girlfriends. Gag.

Okay, so there’s one line in the song that consistently makes me giggle. “I’m not gonna dis you on the Internet/’Cause my mom taught me better than that.” As a personal webpage keeper who has (gasp!) dissed people on the Internet, I am endlessly amused by that line. I feel like asking my mom if she really did teach me better than that.