With a chorus that’s a dead sonic ringer for “The Boy is Mine” and verse phrasing that’s a watered-down ripoff of Aaliyah’s far stronger “Try Again”, I damn well hope this song didn’t cost a thing to produce. Rarely is a supposedly new song such a blatant, half-assed retread of two other, better songs. Did she think we wouldn’t notice the leftover effect? She doesn’t even have a dope beat to step to!

And the entire premise — that Jenny doesn’t need to drive her honey’s Benz or spend his cash — is a bit disingenuous, coming from Puffy’s paramour. Maybe her love really don’t cost a thing, but at this point, there’s no way she — neither the real Jennifer Lopez, nor the character she portrays in the equally dreadful video, which I’ll get to in a minute — is going to have a loverman who isn’t at the same level of outrageous, lavish wealth. Face it, girly, your entire public life is all about conspicuous consumption. I don’t buy what you’re selling. As it were.

Just a few words about the video. Sometimes, a really well-done video can redeem even a really schlocky song. And sometimes, you have the video for this song. Lots of shots of Miss Lopez driving a fancy car, wearing lots of jewelry, looking dewy and gorgeous in expensive clothes, striding purposefully towards the beach and removing said clothes, blah blah blah. Then we get to the “breakdown” section, in which she leads a group of male dancers in a boring and unattractively choreographed dance routine. It’s been dropped in the video, presumably, to show off Jennifer’s dance skills, and to give the song a harder edge. It also makes no sense in the context of the video. Jennifer: if you want to see some really sophisticated, visually interesting girl plus a bunch of hunky boys choreography that’s been incoporated seamlessly into the structure of its video & song, take a look at the video for Madonna’s “Don’t Tell Me.” Now that’s a breakdown section.