Biffy Clyro, Scottish emo pioneers* think that just because they have a stupid name that they are same from me. Perhaps they think that by being so awesomely bad on purpose, that I won’t bother to criticise their audience proof music. But seriously guys, red rag meet bull. They have named their new since Who’s Got A Match?.

Guess what. I’ve got a match…


Your single cover: Hipgnosis after a hip operation**.
Your beards: the pubic hair shavings of Emerson, Lake and Palmer stuck on Clement Freud.
Your music: Fugazi played by dyslexic bees with Busted with a sore throat.
Your lyrics: A grumpy dyslexic Pam Ayres (I wish I’d looked after my beard)
Your career: The biggest waste of time since the Pre-Cambrian era.

Is that enough matches? Any left, I’d be more than happy to toss it on a pile of your records. Which is ironic because your records are a pile of toss. Going quiet, loud, quiet is not exactly NEW.

*Thinking about emo pioneers cannot help make me smile. Just the idea of Hitler haired pantywaists being eaten by bears in the mid-west whilst their womenfolks stripey tights attract the local Native American population for revenge for the entire career of Sunny Day Real Estate…

**Its pretty bad for a modern single cover, but admittedly doesn’t quite reach some of these heights.