I had had enough of Japan. Of its horrendous karaoke. Of its bigging up of minor UK indie acts as the kind of thing teenage girls should scream at (and yes, teenage girls should scream at lousy britpop bands, BUT THEN RUN AWAY). Of the tinitus caused by the never ending J-Pop – where the J stands for Driving Me Out Of My Mind (in Japanese).
I had to Go West – and not in a Pet Shop Boys way. Or a Village People way. A nice cruise would do the job, I though, and so I said sayonara to Japan and the horror of its terribly well maintained hi-fi systems. I had considered trying to bring the might of Sony down, that stopping people from having anything to play this terrible music on. But getting anywhere near Sony Towers would end up drenching me in more music.
Instead I got on a small Junk (I assiuously dodged the one named after Motown) set sail for the 24 hour trip to China, a slowish journey by anybody’s reckonings.
Jimmy Buffett – SLOW BOAT TO CHINA
Its a cheap shot to say Jimmy Buffett has a stupid moustache. But lord, does he have a stupid moustache. Its the kind of ‘tache that would get Lord Kitchener pointing accusingly saying “Why Did You Not Die In The War?” But Buffett did not go to war. He avoid Vietnam on some sort of lousy songwriting disability. They instead sent him to Nashville, where even his record label thought he was so crap they lost his second album.
Buffett was a dedicated songwriter, of the stupid name for tracks cuntry music school. So why pick a cover version of his to illustrate his lousiness? Why do it in a jokey fashion like a forties lounge singer? Why? Because Jimmy Buffett is a twat, that’s why. Think about his only really big hit: Margaritaville. A slightly jokey song about being lazy and unemployed and rubbish. Well think of that but then attach it to a terrible lounge song. Buffett is like his name sake: there is too much of him but none of it is any good.