First thing I did when I got off the plane in Waikiki was head straight for the beach. That is where the bars are. I had never drunk a gin and tonic out of a pineapple before, and truth be told it was not a great experience. I almost poked my eye out on the umbrella provided too. It was clear we were still in America.

Just a note to budding fashion students. Grass is not a material you should make clothes out of. It burns way too easily. Still it got me out of paying my bar tab as the wheel the poor hula girl off to casualty.

I had left Crispian at the airport to plan our next flight in my desperation for a drink (they had only allowed me three G&T’s on the flight, and kept playing Muzak at me – or was it Santana – who can tell). This was increasingly worrying me as he took his time and ballsed the job up in Los Angeles. And my gin enhanced intuition was proven to be correct as he returned with two tickets to Acapulco.
“It’s in Australia, right?”
“It’s in Mexico.”
“Oh. I wondered why Mexicana was flying there. Still its on the way.”
“It is east of here, and south of the US.”
Still, at least Mexicana had no bouze limits on their flights.

Loco In Acapulco- THE FOUR TOPS

As a child I used to imagine things a lot, often linking disparate words with images. Take the Four Tops. As a child I used to imagine this seminal soul vocal group as four milk bottle tops, silver and proudly shining in the early morning autumnal light. And then I would imagine a blue tit alighting on the milk bottle and SMASHING its tiny beak through the Four Tops to drink the milk. Ah, happy memories.

Would that a giant blue tit could smash the Four Tops, and would that they did it before Loco In Acapulco.Many of the worst songs of the eighties are linked by the Buster soundtrack and this is no exception. Consider the confluence of a terrible story, with a terrible drumming actor (Phil Collins) and some of the worst bands in history and you get tosh like Loco In Acapulco. What were the Four Tops thinking? I’ll tell you what they were probably thinking, let’s split into four different bands calling ourselves the Four Tops and tour forever.

Most soul acts from the sixties were laminated in 1971 and preserved for history to play out their old, rubbish hits. How anyone let the Four Tops (or these people calling themselves the Four Tops) make a new song is unknown. Indeed this version of the Tops probably only retained one body part and a bit of sweat from Levi Stubbs. Ironically in this one escape from singing the “Same Old Song” meant they sang a brand new, even worse song. Loco in Acapulco – the two bits don’t even RHYME!

I also always used to get Levi Stubbs and Primo Levi mixed up as a child. I wonder why.