One the bright side, I did not get any flour in my hair. On the down side, I got thoroughly vansick and the bumping up and down was redolent of sitting inside one of Ringo Starr’s drums, it had absolutely no rhythm at all. Luckily I could vomit safely over Crispian.

San Francisco itself was a dump. Happy smiling people walking up and down hills, and not a s single huge sheet of glass to crash through in sight. Luckily the flights Crispian had booked were for first thing in the morning, so a quick kip and wash get me ready to finally leave the USA. That is until I saw the tickets.

“Crispian, what is this.”
“Its a plane ticket.”
“I asked for a ticket to somewhere outside the US.”
“And Hawaii is part of the US.”
“It has hula girls though”.
“Well after yesterday I’m a Hurler Girl,” I said. Crispian did not understand, he thought I meant the vomit. Instead I hurled him into a passing baggage buggy, which meant he remained in considerable pain for the rest of our flight to Hawaii.


“Oh ho, Tanya, that’s not a tune. Its a whole album.”
To which I respond,
“Have you been paying attention there isn’t exactly a tune to half of these things, and anyway Sean O’Hagan was keen or repeating musical motifs on his albums so in many ways this interminable drag of an album is one, long tune, and quite possible the tune playing in the personal hell of many people.”

Like I have to justify myself.

Oh he’s an insufferable bore that Mr Sean O’Hagan. Because he was so rubbish as a pop star he is now a journalist. He is a rubbish one (ov course) and what’s more he has the face of an Anti-Pope from the sixteenth century. If he isn’t whinging about the state of modern pop music, he’s whinging about 4×4’s and – well you get the drift. Perhaps Mr O’Hagan has felt hard done by.

Certainly as a pop star (hah!) Sean was always moaning that people compared his sound to Brian Wilson. WELL STOP MAKING RECORDS THAT SOUND LIKE BRIAN WILSON THEN. Surely you learned your lesson when people kept comparing you to Steely Dan. All you had to do was STOP MAKING RECORDS THAT SOUNDED LIKE STEELY DAN.

Happily though, he has just STOPPED MAKING RECORDS.