So there we were, not so much getting our kicks on Route 66, more getting a good kicking. The truck, with its mysterious driver kept buffeting out rear and I had no illusions that if he managed to draw level, he would be able to force us off of the road.

Luckily Crispian’s driving was so poor under these circumstances that I was forced to take the wheel. As I was a very large number of sheets to the wind my driving was erratic to say the least. If you have ever tried to overtake a drunk driver you will know what I mean. I managed to keep the demon trucker off our back until we reached some services. At which point I got out to give the truck driver a piece of my mind. I am fearless.

Turns out fear would not be required anyway, as he just wanted to get our attention to let us know we had a busted tail-light. I tend to be of the opinion that he may have caused this. Nevertheless, I suppose any vaguely smart psycho might change their opinion when a gin-fuelled harridan like me baying for their blood. I might still have had stains of Elvis’s blood on my person too.

A quick night passed in the motel before we hit the horrid road again, for the last five hours to Los Angeles. And it was strange as we drove through East California that the was a real sense that we were leaving America when we hit West California. And then I remembered why…

KIM WILDE: Kids In America

From New York To East California
There’s a new wave coming, I warn you

So sang the youngest scion of the Wilde family. But one wonders, why would this “New Wave” of what she speaks not penetrate West California? After all it managed to conquer all of the East Coast (perhaps not the furthermost easterly bits of New England) which is at least as sophisticated as the Californian coast. Having flooded all of Utah, New Mexico and both Dakota’s it seems unlikely that half a state could resist. No, there must be some sort of conspiracy here. It strikes me the possible answers are as follows:

a) The “New Wave” originated in West California. Possible, though unlikely. Unless Ms Wilde was prophetically talking about West Coast Gangsta Rap, there aren’t many musical trends, let alone New Waves, started in LA.

b) The “New Wave” was deliberately avoiding West California. To be fair, LA and San Fran have a nice coast line, a pretty high standard of living and more films stars per acre. Isn’t it only fair that they lose something in the process? Like a “New Wave”.

c) Ms Wilde was a little shaky on geography and though East California was the coast. This is the most credible explanation, as Kim was always a bit thick, Cambodia was not exactly the most geographically sensitive song ever.

Alternatively you can stop worrying about what is a lousy pop song, destroy the copy and go out and do something less boring instead. Like gardening, eh Kim?