Oh, they’re are a jolly band that there Metallica. There are plenty of stupid metal fans who saw Spinal Tap as a documentary, but only one band used it as a blueprint for a career. And Master Of Puppets is what you get if you have absolutely no sense of humour. When you don’t find grown men with long hair and impossibly faded T-Shirts amusing then you have probably lost all of your humanity to start off with and might as well be a puppet.

So what kind of puppeteer is this portentiously titled Master Of Puppets? Well he’s pulling our strings, no doubt, but he is also twisting our mind and smashing our dreams. I assume he is doing this by using sledgehammer riffs and singing which is just sub par for Neaderthal communication. Frankly this is a bit of a rubbish puppeteer, all he seems interested in is getting his puppets to fight and injure each other. And then it all becomes clear.

Master Of Puppets is about a Punch & Judy Man. Suddenly the reason for James Hetfield’s grunty vocals is that it is the only way he can make his kazoo speaking voice sound anything less like Mr Punch. Metallica are an end of the pier act – when will someone push them off? That’s the way to do it!