If we can thank Girls Aloud for anything, and I’m not sure we can, its for seeing off One True Voice. Them and the British public I feel have long since recognised that there is indeed only one true voice in this country, one voice brave enough to speak the truth – and that dear readers is mine. I, Tanya Headon, own the One True Voice and I suppose I should have sued the Postar spawned bastards. Instead Girls Aloud saw them off, and now – as some kind of thanks – I am here to see them off.

Do we need another Spice Girls, all of whom model themselves after Rough As Fuck Spice (the sixth member who didn’t make the cut)? Surely there are checkouts all over the country being unmanned while these five slappers ponce around pretending to have a pop career. And what a pop career, a career built solely on the worst kind of pop melange there is. Their first single, “Sound Of The Underground” had the twang of Duane Eddy, the shuffle of the Sugababes,the wail of Pink, a bit of Addicted To Bass, a bit of Buddy Rich etc etc. In short it is about 100 times worse than any bootleg ever, in that it sounds like nearly every song ever written. It was as if Dr Frankenstein, not content with creating an evil monster out of lots of body parts, then created another monster out of the body parts of 100 Frankenstein monsters. Well, a bit like that. Rest assured it is amazingly evil.

Unfortunately this is a trick ‘The Aloud’ have done again. And from reports again, and again. So much so that they have even seemingly survived being bigged up by Julie Burchill. Stop this pop madness, give us back our checkout cashiers now. The One True Voice has spoken.