More from the readers. ‘Rob’ writes on behalf of his idols:

“Please do not insult legendary artists when you clearly have little or no idea about them or there music. Anyone with the vaguest idea of Elton John’s music should know that the lyrics to “Rocket Man”, and, for that matter, all his other songs, are written not by Elton, who writes the music, but by his longtime collaborator. Any pathetic and juvenile criticism of the lyrics of Elton John songs should therefore be directed at his songwriting partner, Bernie Taupin.
Both men, by the way, are in the Songwriters’ Hall of Fame”

My apologies, Rob – in fact I was avoiding mentioning Mr Taupin out of a misplaced desire to protect the man from the consequences of his folly. All Bernie did, after all, was write awful poetry – never a good idea but not in itself worth a slating. His one terrible mistake was to hand this poetry over to my old pal Elton John, who promptly converted his verbal castor beans into musical ricin. However I now see the error of my ways: believe you me, from now on whenever Elton needs the Tanya Treatment, Bernie will get it too.

Thankyou also for reminding me of the Songwriters’ Hall Of Fame – though if Taupin is an alumni I can only think it’s some kind of Internet spam scam. I have two suggestions to make this sorry institution into a proper Hall of Fame.

– when anyone joins it they should only be allowed to do so with a 3-letter name. Bernie could be “BUM” for instance. Songwriters who can’t think of a name get called “AAA”.
– when you get into the Hall of Fame, it’s Game Over, so you can’t write any more songs. Ever.

If we must have this awful thing, then people, let’s do it right.