(SCENE: PAUL and LINDA are standing next to a road.)

PAUL: Why dont we do it in the road?

LINDA: You what?

PAUL: Why don’t we do it in the road?

LINDA: “Do it”???! You mean shag? In the road? You may be the richest popular entertainer in the world Paul but you’ve onto a hiding for nothing this time!

PAUL: No-one will be watching us.

LINDA: That’s hardly the point, you randy Scouse get! What is a road for, eh? Think, man! The road is where cars live! CARS! Big dangerous metal things. This makes it perhaps not the best place for an al fresco quickie! And anyway I see a flaw in your argument. What is the first thing learner drivers are told to do, eh? Keep your eyes on the road. I think they’re likely to notice the pallid arse of a humping Beatle. So I’m afraid on this no-one-will-be-watching point it’s your word versus that of the Highway Code!

PAUL: Why don’t we do it in the road?

(PAUL is silenced by a beating with a frozen quorn sausage.)