ALL ABOUT EVE – Martha?s Harbour

I have a dark secret, dear reader. You know I say I hate music. Well, I genuinely do. However there has been a time when I actually envied, actually wanted to physically be a genuine bona fide pop star. Well, a second rate sub goth pop star, but in my youth I could not tell the difference. Yes, dear reader, there was a time when I wanted to be Julianne Regan of All About Eve.

I know what you?re thinking. With all the softer goth boys lusting after me I?d never want for foundation or mascara again. To laugh at the thoroughly literal way the softer goth girls took the lyrics of ?Flowers In Her Hair? and wore roses in their blacky-purple hair. Ah, as Poison said – every rose has its thorn, just like every Casualty department had fey white faced girls with scalp lacerations whenever the Eve were in town. All these are fine reasons to want to be the silver tongued distant relative of possibly the most mentally retarded President the US have ever had. But I only wanted to be Ms Regan for one moment of glory. For their performance to their lack-of-power ballad Martha?s Harbour on Top Of The Pops.

As any half arsed TV bloopers compilation show will tell you, this moment has gone down in history. The song playing, and the band standing around picking their nose and not doing anything. Maybe flicking. And this is when I would have liked to slip into Regan?s skin. Not because I enjoy humiliation on national television. More for the reason that the band stood like absolute fools because they did not know the song was playing, they did not know their turn on the mime was up. This was due to the fact that they, unlike everyone in the country with a television, could not hear the dirgey water based ballad. Lucky sods. What I would have given to be the only person not to be able to hear the Eve somewhat unusually comparing their relationship between that of an ocean wave and a galley slave – for the mere reason that they rhyme. Ah, the blissful silence of the Top Of The Pops studio.