TANYA SOLVES THE MIDDLE EAST CONFLICT

As far as I understand it, the main sticking point of the Middle East Peace Process which has been chuntering along with little success of late is real estate based. Holy cities cause conflict when said city is belov’d of more than one religion. What tends to happen is that various sides take to car bombs and slowly turn said holy city into a – ahem – holey city.

Bad jokes aside though, the solution has been staring Barak and Arafat in the face for a very long time. And if they had looked up from Camp David (no – I’m leaving Bowie alone for now), they may have noticed than none less than the finest minds of a generation have been pointing it out for them. Or at least the finest minds St Martins Art School had to offer, which when you consider they consist of the droopy fag smoking pretty boy from Blur and a cow pickler, is probably not so impressive.

Why not build another Jerusalem. In England’s Green and Pleasant Land?

Of course I’m not sure how the British government would react to millions of Israeli’s or Palestinian’s moving to said city in Bucks. I have a fair idea how the British people would react, and it would involved xenophobia, letterboxes and dogshit. That said – its ironic that it would be Fat Les who brought this unique solution to the fore. Considering their songs are to British Nationalism what Isaac Hayes’ theme from Shaft was to the film Shaft.

Clinton, you can have that one for free. But I’m going to charge for solving any other international incidents. Though I’ll give you a hint about how to solve the Northern Irish problem. And it involves Christy Moore, Ash, Ulli?an Pipes and their collective arses.

I Hate Music