Possibly a 1977 version of Blankety Blank had this question set as its Supermatch Game. Low- Blank. It would be a bit unfair though because if you are referring to the Bowie album of said name, so many words could have filled the blank. Low Quality for 50 blanks. Low Point Of Bowie’s Career for 100 blanks. Low threshold of boredom made me turn it off and fling it disgusted into the street – your winner at 150 blanks. After all Low is merely a Brian Eno wankfest coupled with a few off-cuts from Diamond Dogs.

Don’t you wonder sometimes, about sound and vision? Well, yes and no Dave. I wonder why the song is a five minute long intro of course, as if to say that you could not really think of any more tunes, chord progressions or lyrics beyond telling us the colour of your room. Hmm, Electric Blue, still at least it wasn’t his own Bowie designed wallpaper. (Bowie, being a polymath likes to dabble in wallpaper design, dotcom millionairing and laying paving slabs for Lambeth Council – so I hear). If you’re always crashing in the same car, I would suggest with your millions you should perhaps get another car. Probably a chauffeur as well just to be on the safe side.

Its side two though, where Eno takes over, and we have nonsense chanting that makes Low the Bowie album even Bowie fans don’t ever listen to (yet say is his best). Its akin to Britney Spears getting Mr Oizo to record the last six tracks of Oops – I Did It Again. I understand that Dave was coked up to his eyeballs at the time with Iggy Pop, but he could have at least got Manfred Mann’s Earth Band to record these tracks. Eno is to music what Eno is to hair. Lacking substance. Sure Bowie did some chanting, but you don’t buy a Bowie record to hear him going ‘Om’ over a Fairlight. Quite what your motivations might be are not quite clear, but I’m pretty sure the ‘Omm-ing’ rates pretty low on the scale.

Low is called Low because Dave Bowie was feeling Low when he made it. Not surprising really. Still, I recommend seeing a shrink in future.