DAVID BOWIE – Five Easy Pisstakes

1. ‘Kooks’, his touching tribute to his infant son. “Will you stay in our lover’s story?” “No, Papa, I will not, for you have given me the stupidest name on Earth, you bastard.”
2. Giving a fascist salute at Victoria Station. Quite apart from the fact that it’s a fucking stupid thing to do, in a fascist state Bowie would not have become a decadent uberleader, oh no, he’d have been persecuted to hell and back for all sorts of righteous reasons, e.g. having a wonky eye.
3. Was there really no better rhyme for “Major Tom’s a junkie” than “funk to funky”?
4. ‘Memory of a Free Festival’ – Jumping Christ, have you heard it? It takes a lot for a song to be improved upon by the ministrations of Dario G, but this surely manages it. Even the Monsoon Bassoon would blush. “The Sun Machine is coming down and we’re gonna have a party, who ho ho”. What’s that David, I didn’t quite catch that, you’d better repeat it a million times. No bloody wonder the festival was free if this was on the bill.
5. Pin-Ups – it was the FIRST EVER COVERS ALBUM, smarm the Bowiephiles. Yes, and what a grand tradition that sparked off, eh? Lots of over-indulged rock stars doing bad songs worse to wriggle out of a contract, oh joy. Frankly if Daz did kick the trend off he should be up in chains at The Hague a.s.a.p.