As deliberate foodologists we cannot wait for the arrival of SQUEEZ BACON in the UK. The difficulty of proper bacon, however well cured, is its intractability when it comes to being spreadable, and the difficulty in writing your name with it. As we all know bacon is a malleable and portable substance ideal for squirtyisation, so it amazes us that no-one has realised the paradigm shift in a jar.

No artificial additives or preservatives and a shelf life of twelve years (though I reckon I’d get through a jar a week) it really is the pasty gift that keeps on giving. As the creator Vilhelm Lillefläsk says “Aldrig kommer att ge dig upp!” Which we believe translates as “Never gonna give you up”. On assumes SQUEEZ BACON is also unlikely to let you down, run around or desert you. Though you can put it on your dessert.

Nevertheless the jar does make excessive claims about its powers, including :”it’s rumoured ABBA met while eating Squeez Bacon® sandwiches?”. Now I don’t want to pour dairylea on their squeezy bacony parade but everyone knows the members of ABBA met after getting their respective bumper cars entangled at a funfair in Stockholm.

Though perhaps I could offer the suggestion of aerosolising it is as well. BACON WHIZZ…