Yes, yes I know. Its a Robert De Niro film. Its a Robert De Niro COMEDY. Its a Robert De Niro comedy which has a stultifying nondescript title, and turns out to be that most toothless of comedies, the Hollywood Insider Satire. It is all of that and it had this as a poster. Look its the hilarious concept of Bob De Niro IN FLIP-FLOPS.

You know what’s most offensive about What Just Happened? I can just about accept that Paper Planes by M.I.A. is only in the trailer for Pineapple Express, it doesn’t really matter that its not in the film. But Robert De Niro never turns up in What Just Happened in a beige cotton suit, walking a dog in flip-flops.He wears flip-flops in a dark casual suit in one tiny scene, without the dog and certainly not in a Hawaiian shirt of any description. I can’t say if this particular melange of appropriate hilariousness would have made the film any funnier. But if this is the level of fun the poster is trying to express, you’d think they would put it in the film itself.

Based on what one assumes is a much, much better insider whistleblowing book, What Just Happened takes some fictionalised film industry types and puts them through the wringer. We see the hotshot director coked up to the eyeballs claiming artistic integrity. He’s a cock. Then there is the head of the studio who insists on cuts in the film. She’s a cock. Then there is the slippery artists manager who, surprise surprise is a bit of a cock. And Bruce Willis, playing himself with a big beard. Ha ha, he’s a cock too (its OK, he’s not in real life). But luckily at the heart of it is Bob De Niro playing a producer and – oh – he’s a cock too. Well that was a waste of two hours of my life, watching fictional office politics where I don’t want anyone to win. The title of the film, shoehorned in at the end, just highlights that not only apparently nothin’ just happen, but nothing apparently was supposed to happen. Which makes the conclusion, What Just Happened? A lousy movie.