Plenty of words have been written about the seminal Sex Pistols’ seminal gig at the seminal Manchester Free Trade Hall in 1976. There has even been a whole book about it! Everyone knows that the gig was really very important indeed and that everyone who attended became a very extremely important person. HOWEVER does everyone know exactly who was there? Does everyone have access to a crumpled piece of paper which – archaeological evidence PROVES – contains the ACTUAL LIST of attendees at that gig? Freaky Trigger does. And here it is:

  1. Morrissey
  2. Mick Hucknall
  3. Howard Devoto
  4. Pete Shelley
  5. Ian Curtis
  6. Barney
  7. Hooky*
  8. Linder
  9. Tony Wilson
  11. Les Dennis
  12. Alan Sugar**
  13. Ken Barlow
  14. The Great Soprendo
  15. Alan Dale
  16. Bruno Brookes
  17. Simon Mayo
  18. T. Dan Smith
  19. Jon Pertwee
  20. John Noakes
  21. Sam Tyler
  22. PC Phyllis Console
  23. Richey Manic
  24. Erasure***
  25. Roger Waters
  26. Mike Gatting
  27. Dirk Benedict
  28. Thora Hird
  29. Mark “E” Smith
  30. Lord Lucan
  31. Norman St John Stevas
  32. Haile Selassie
  33. “Steely” Dan
  34. Les Dawson
  35. John The Postman
  36. Pat The Postman
  37. Vic Godard The Postman
  38. Fred Dibnah
  39. Shakin Stevens
  40. Red Rum****
  41. Frederick Engels
  42. Margot Leadbetter
  43. Yul Brynner
  44. Edward Heath
  45. Sportacus
  46. Knitler
  47. Grant Shapps

*Stephen and Gillian were NOT at the legendary gig. They were instead at home composing the song which was to become “TASTY FISH”.

**Alan McGee was NOT there. Records show that on the astounding historical night he was at another gig, by GENTLE GIANT.

***Erasure at this time was a ONE MAN BAND of Andy Bell playing on a CODPIECE-CUM-XYLOPHONE. The gig inspired Andy to make his dreams bigger. As it inspired all those present.

****Many witnesses reported seeing a DOG at the remarkable gig. As the list proves, the smoky atmosphere played tricks on many eyes: present in fact was a HORSE, who apparently was “smaller than he looked on the telly”. This solves one of the long term puzzles about the gig that has troubled rock historians: why did the dog not eat Linder’s dress, which was made of meat?

Reprinted with thanks from the June 2012 issue of Mojo Magazine. All rights reserved.

Coming next: everyone who heard the Velvet Underground in 1967 and then formed a band.

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