The GOATMEATI hate bands with punctuation in their name. I hate all bands obviously, but this marks the particular band out for special Tanya Treatment. Do you think it is any coincidence that post Screamager Therapy? vanished from our musical scene? The affectation of putting a question mark at the end of their name to perhaps simulate a question was hideously irritating – so much so that when their next single came out I made them follow their own advice. Face The Strange they implored, I made them face the strange: in this case a strange looking cricket bat which I promptly battered them with.

So to The Go! Team. ! is often used to indicate the presence of a click in Hausa, and it is in this manner I tend to interpret it for the Go! Team. Instead the click is not made by any members of the Go! Team, but rather me cocking the hammer of my gun. As such they should really be called The Go! bang ! bang ! bang ! bang ! bang ! bang Team.

Alas all is wishful thinking, I threw my gun away when I realised it shared a name with a lousy Scottish rock band. But it is not just the name that irritates about the Go! Team. Why would they call themselves that if they were no going to GO somewhere. Instead they keep hanging around, in their T-Shirts with letters spelling the name of the band like they might at any minute get lost or forget who they are. If you ever see a gig advertised for the Me Toga its probably just the Go! Team standing in the wrong order. Oh, and re-releasing Bottle Rocket. It is very important. If the Go! Team don’t re-release Bottle Rocket every three months then they would probably implode, or the world would fall apart. Which would be preferable to the perverted Ski Sunday without the skiing that consists the song.

Apparently people like them because they are “cut-up specialists”. Well excuse me, but stitching lots of bits of rubbish together JUST MAKES MORE RUBBISH. So does hiring a band at the last minute from the job centre. Which perhaps is where they have gone recently, now that surely everyone who could ever want to buy Bottle Rocket has done (idiots).

I can reveal that the Go!Team have picked up a new job between records, and it involved hiring two new members. Yes, the Goat Marketing board now have them on board to try and push their nutritious, goaty goodness to the population.

If that fails, they could always audition to be the letters on Countdown.