I feel a duty to say something about Channel 5’s Battle Of The Popstars programme, a real-time tournament to find “the nation’s favourite pop star” AKA an attempt by Five to find the most lucrative possible format to separate lonely phone voters from their money. The format was quite simple – a short videoclip of bottom-drawer talking heads (and Cynthia Lennon!) bigging up each star while their music played and phone numbers for each duel flashed up on the screen. Jamie Theakston announced the winner – LIVE!, well, on voiceover anyway – at the end of each bout. It was the cheapest TV ever, unless Paul Gambaccini and Dan Hipgrave are more expensive than I imagine.
As the show progressed I flapped between thinking it was all fixed and thinking it was all real. The “big shocks” at the end of the first round – Cher beating Madonna – could have been evidence for either really. Cher’s progress to the ‘quarter-finals’, though, gave us ample evidence that the programme-makers either hadn’t planned for it or had been particularly idle when it came to finding different things to say each round viz.
Round 1: A “diva expert”: Well Cher, she’s a diva really.
Round 2: Ex-editor of Smash Hits who isn’t Kate Thornton: That Cher, straddling a cannon, such a diva.
Round 3: A fashion designer: She has no sense of style, but that’s OK, she’s a diva.
Presumably if she’d managed to hold her own against the Beatles we’d have had Dan Hipgrave saying, “Yeah not my kind of thing but you can’t deny it, she’s a diva”.
The show flagged horribly in the last half hour as we ended up with Elvis, the Beatles and Queen fighting it out and only Gambo was happy. As I know from long experience administering these kinds of ridiculous polls, it’s hard to keep the momentum going in the final rounds without switching the format around a bit. That said having an audibly bored and desperate Theakston as your anchorman wasn’t helping – the way to do it surely is to have someone who is genuinely excited and exercised by the outcome of these fights. Someone like….Paul Gambaccini! OK maybe not.
I was confused about how much time people had to vote. It appeared to be mere SECONDS. The only good thing about this is that I now have The Human League in my head.
i heart gambo. can we adopt him as an mascot?
he dated K4J4GOOGOO — how pop is that!?!
I heard many TALES of Gambo’s management of his shortish-lived comic shop. Mostly not flattering.
Was he not writing some kind of kiss-and-tell memoir a few years back?? It never surfaced I fear.
He’s one of my few actual SPOTTEDs (in GOSH of course). All the other slebs i’ve SPOTTED I never really cared for. (Dermot o’leary is alright i spose)
i am so glad about Cher being on that show, i watched it all and i think it showed how great Cher really is. I was so chuffed that she knocked bitch madonna out. so proud of Cher, so what she didnt win, but it just shows that all us Cher fans are right, Cher is so much more better than madonna. And it kept repeating the word “diva” which must prove that Cher is the one and only diva, always has been, always will be, Theres not many people like Cher around, and there will never be anyone like Cher. True legend in every sense of the word. That cheeky cow, saying that Cher must be in her 60s! Shes only just turned 60 this May! Not that youd be able to tell by how wonderful and young sexy Cher looks! Anywayz, Cher rocks!