Look, they had to squeeze the E and R in hastilyPremise Number 1: The Ashes as fought between England and Australia is a great trophy precisely due to its lack of monetary value and excess of symbolic value.

Premise Number 2: That whatever the ins and outs of the weekends test between Pakistan and England (Evening Standard calling Pakistan cheats, everyone else being diplomatic), this is now a controversial series which will go down in cricket infamy like the Bodyline series did. Though more likely with a name like Crap-Umpire-Gate, or Hairgate* (or, for fans of old style flea-pit cinema projection: Hair-In-The-Gate).

Premise Number 3: Whilst one must admire the hyperbole and design work in these hastily put together posters of Umpire Darrell Hair, it has to be agreed that Mini Hitler might be a bit extreme. Nevertheless the brio shown by these young chaps is admirable, as is the photo op.

Conclusion: In order to build bridges between the ICC and Pakistan, and in an attempt to distinguish what is an otherwise relatively routine series between England and Pakistan, all future series between these two countries should be to gain the ownership of the nu-Ashes: namely the ashes of these hastily knocked up banners of demonised umpire Darrell Hair.

*Hairgate is what the posher denizens of Highgate call it.

TMFD