The science of Eurovision aka most desperate press release since the last one. Have you no shame, BBC Online? (rhetorical qn). Here – speak o revelator!! – are the ‘seven crucial elements’ to Eurovision success:

pace and rhythm, an easily memorable song, a perfect chorus, key change, a clearly defined finish, dance routine and finish.

i) two of these elements are THE SAME
ii) as opposed to all the Eurovision entries which never finished and are still going on to this day
iii) a perfect chorus – v. helpful advice this
iiii) he’s right about the key change though.

The ‘physiologist and music expert’ then explains why “Waterloo” is the best:

“The main thrust of the song, the word Waterloo, is just three syllables long and then there’s a lot of space for it to become both memorable and emotionally evocative.”