In “Negotiate With Love”, Rachel Stevens sings:

“The other day you said hello/We had a coffee/Now the next thing I know you’re playing me/Crap”.

Now. Is she saying, “the next thing you’re playing me – crap” – ie her rockist High cvnting Fidelty-esque cockfarmer of a boyfriend has taken her back to his flat for a cup of Kenco only to play her his special remix of the bloody Khazi Cheese and ooh, I don’t know, Interpol or something…


“the next thing you’re playing me – crap” – ie Rachel Stevens is being “played” by a no-good cheating DAWG who only wants her for a bonk and is no doubt two timing her with every other woman on the street – hence the disappointed sentiment of realisation… “aw, crap”.

I personally like to think it’s the former. This is backed up by her later, “could you turn down the track a little bit please” which frankly out Sarahs both Nixey and Cracknell. Rachel – change your name to Sarah, it’s obligatory to be called Sarah if you’re going to be a sultry spoken-word pop queen. (Hey, does that mean I stand a chance at all? Is anyone looking for a female vocalist? I’m your girl). Also – who would play Rachel Stevens?! No-one, that’s who. Don’t be a fool!

Negotiate With Love = song of the year.