Popjustice suggests multi-format bonanza as the best way to shift copies of a new Band Aid single. But with the line-up face-off currently being between ‘credible’ bands like Coldplay (i.e. music for cunts) and pop bands (i.e. music for proles), surely there’s an obvious solution? Make two different versions (or more — why not a metal version, and a house version, with dozens of the anonymous dolly-bird singers who front production-line chart dance tracks taking a word each too) and race them! It’d be Blur v Oasis all over again, but for charity! And anyone who really wanted to prove they were buying the single for a good cause, could buy both (or all three, four etc.) versions. Plus we (smug bo-ho scenester nerd scum) could all speculate endlessly over who on earth buys this stuff, and try and start class war between the indieistas and the popists. Of course, anyone with ears will have to stop listening to the radio for several months before Christmas, but fuck it, that’s a price worth paying.