Super Bowl Halftime Show: Play-by-Play

My scrawled notes, typed out for your amusement!

-J. Lo and other celebs instruct us in cautiously neutral tones to “choose to vote,” to soft U2 cocktail-party background music; any potential political impact of said commercial immediately defused by cheerleader leading the call “Choose to paaarty!” Fuck off, CBS!
-Okay, so Janet Jackson’s outfit: a sort of swashbuckling pirate motif? What’s with that white ruffly flouncy thing in the back?!
-Haha P. Diddy! As stilted and wooden as ever! This is much better than Janet though
-TONI BASIL!!!!!!!! Hey Diddy you’re so fine…my brain has turned to rice pudding
-It’s a medley with Nelly! GENIUS!
-Nelly makes everything else look like amateur night. Wow. I hadn’t heard ‘Hot in Herre’ in a very long time (after hearing it nonstop for months, obv) and it still sounds like the greatest song ever penned.
-Kid Rock is wearing an American flag cut into a poncho. Yes, a poncho. I am going to cry now.
-Okay explain to me why Justin Timberlake (who is way cuter when he shaves, I might add — that stubbly thing ain’t doin’ NOTHIN for him) gets to laze around on stage in a t-shirt and baggy khakis, looking like he’s about to head out to play Gamecube with his buddies, while Janet has to robo-dance with pinpoint razorsharp precision in an exceedingly uncomfortable-looking patent-vinyl catwoman gladiator corset job: WE WANT FAIRNESS HERE!!
-But then Justin redeems himself with THAT MOVE!! Hahahahahaha!

Additional notes: job search commercial featuring sped-up version of “I Feel Love”: YES YES YES!
-All SUV commercials can fuckin’ die already
-Message to America’s frat boys: Budweiser will NOT get you laid
-Commercial for new sitcom featuring girl who can “talk to God”: please God make it stop
-Unfortunately the car commercial featuring ‘Metal Machine Music’ and giant spiders only existed in my fevered brain!!