KYLIE – ‘Slow’ vs. KELIS – ‘Milkshake’

I’ve gotta say I’m pretty disappointed with that new Kylie single ‘Slow’ — it sounds like she’s trying too hard to be sexy. I like her better when more is left to the imagination, when she’s in hot-high-school-English-teacher mode, when you feel strangely attracted to her fembot-ness but you know not exactly why. But this song — it’s like overpoweringly strong perfume. Lipstick all done up in an effort to look ‘pouty’. Hair that’s been ironed and severely sculpted for that tousled, ‘just-got-out-of-bed’ look. I just can’t get into it. Kelis’ creepy-queasy-seasick-loping ‘Milkshake’, on the other hand, is way sexier than ‘Slow’. It also scares the bejesus out of me (reference point: Edvard Grieg’s ‘In the Hall of the Mountain King’?!) See, she doesn’t want you. Damn right — it’s better than yours.

‘I could teach you, but I’d have to charge.’