Nos. 5-1
05. BLU CANTRELL feat SEAN PAUL – “Breathe”
Score: 6.45 / Controversy: 2.46
Good enough to not need Sean Paul. But still 10. (EH)
‘Eh! Yo! Eh! Dutteh!’ Probably
my favourite Sean Paul moment ever, attached to a quality single that performed the important task of keeping Busted off number one. Blu Cantrell sings on it but not very much, which is nice, the backing bounces along merrily, and Mr Paul’s charm more than enough to carry off the whole enterprise splendidly. 9 (WS)
I kiss whoever thought of putting these two together. Their fight is our delight. Hey, and a wacky Dr. Dre pseudo-French beat too! – icing on the cake. 9 (VP)
Cobbled-together hit for Blu, on which she is the worst thing, but it’s a great record. Extra marks for the panting. 8 (TE)
Good advice. 7 (MA)
After the train wreck of ‘Hit Em Up Style’ this would have gotten bonus points just for not annoying the living fuck out of me. 7 (SeC)
I like Sean Paul, he worked in a bank once. This song works pretty well, and will be remembered for years to come, and you can’t really give better praise than that. 7 (JL)
I probably should like this more than I do, but of Sean Paul’s seven
zillion guest appearances this summer, I can’t shake the feeling that
‘Breathe’ is closest to Shaggy territory. Plus, that loping, cartoonish
rhythm – really? And Cantrell’s sub-milfy melisma? 5 (MP)
Hearing this song for the first time ever (no, I know, it was #1 forever etc.) it’s not all that really. Have you heard Amy Winehouse? She sounds a bit like her i.e. WHINY. 2 (KG)
04. THE RAPTURE – “House Of Jealous Lovers”
Score: 6.48 / Controversy: 3.04
A monstrous PiL-style groove that’s impossible to ignore, and a vocal line that sounds like Robert Smith searching desperately for a lost bottle of hairspray…what’s not to love about this? 10 (SeC)
Single of the last 18 months. 10 (RT)
Nine points for playing what Rick sez is a cow bell but I think is milk bottles. 9 (SC)
Any song that requires the invention of a new genre to categorize it can’t be that bad. 9 (VP)
Eight months ago, this would’ve been a nine or a ten, but you know,
lustre and time and replay value and diminishing returns and all that.
It’s still quite good though, especially when you consider that they’re
working from such a fundamentally boring axis as the guitar-bass-drums
one. 8.5 (MP)
Hasn’t aged in the slightest, just got a bit shorter. Disco-funko-better-than-!!!-o. Ooh look, it’s an emoticon for a sighing man hiding behind a Venetian blind… 8 (WS)
One week at No.27 is a good old Proper Indie sort of chart position, isn’t it? Less amazing in the, ahem, ‘context of abundance’ of 2003’s pop charts than it was single-handedly refloating the Titanic of guitar rock, though. 8 (TE)
Indie-funk – possibly the worst kind of funk, and yet it is oddly catchy. 7 (PB)
Good enough at what it sets out to do, but The Liars have better song titles. 6 (DR)
I like the John Spencer Blues Explosion and so am not averse to noisy shouting men. Not so keen on this though. 4 (KG)
Reasonable. Perhaps they need to rehearse more. 3 (AC)
Hit the! Saucepan!
Hit the! Saucepan!
Hit the! Saucepan!
Squeal like! A Pig! 2 (IE)
Housaaavvvv! Jelllus Luvvaaaahs! And the point would be? Whatever mark one gives this would be equal to a hypothetical “How good an indie snob are you?” test score, but meh. 2 (EO)
This is the one with the histrionic singer? That electro-clash stuff? 1 (JL)
Christ almighty! No redeeming features except it does eventually end. 0 (EH)
03. LUMIDEE – “Never Leave You (Uh Oh)
Score: 6.59 / Controversy: 2.43
I read somewhere that this is a Caribbean rhythm, but it sounds pretty much like the good ol’ Afro-Brazilian batuque thing to me. Lumidee has an wonderful sense of phrasing, and the way that her voice and the beat flow into each other fills me with delight. It also makes the guest rappers sound kinda poor in comparison, but that’s not that bad because one of them is Busta, and Busta guest appearances are fab by definition (Fabulous, on the other hand…)
The follow up single to this is just as great, by the way. Why isn’t it getting more airplay? 9 (DR)
The vocals are out of tune, yes, but the fact that they’re buried that deeply beneath the drums gives them a kind of ethereal quality, bit like Lush when they were shoegaze. Except this isn’t even vaguely shoegaze. Lovely tho. 8 (WS)
Too fragile I fear for the rough knockabout atmosphere of the focus group but a beautiful and strange thing nonetheless. 8 (TE)
I think the story is that Lumidee was singing over a different song than we hear now when she recorded this, and thus sometimes her singing sounds a little off. However, I think that makes this sound really distinctive. Even without the ‘uh-oh’, Beyonce should have stolen this track. 8 (DL)
All the good bits about this are done by the backing singers. Not exactly a good advert for Lumidee then. 7 (PB)
She doesn’t sound very fussed really. 7 (EH)
She can’t sing, but her voice is still nice in some weird way. Clapping is always good. Rather like walking in on someone singing and clapping vigorously along with a song in their bedroom while listening to it on earphones. Don’t interrupt, close the door and listen through the keyhole. 6 (EO)
The fact that a hit single can have off-key vocals is cool and all, but uh…it has off-key vocals. It’s an interesting idea but not something I’d ever want to put on. 5 (VP)
The vocals don’t fit with the music, at all. Very irritating. 3 (JL)
Shows great potential. Please resubmit this track when you’ve completed it. 3 (SeC)
Uh – 0 (KG)
02. OUTKAST – “Ghetto Musick”
Score: 6.71 / Controversy: 2.52
Hahahaha, and Big Boi is supposed to be the straight man? This is probably the funniest track on ‘Speakerboxxx/The Love Below’, certainly the most exciting. I mean, whoa! Wow! Kazam! ROLLERCOASTER! JUGGERNAUT!! And all this after losing his arm!
I give it my joker, too, just because I know that Outkast have fallen out of favour with y’all and that makes me incredibly sad. 10 (DR)
For some reason when I’m listening to this I imagine that I’m in a video game where I’m playing George Clinton, slinging this huge phallus-shaped gun over my shoulder, running around like a maniac shooting the enemies of both funk and fun, pausing only for the occasional sexy cut scene. 9 (SeC)
Kinetic, danceable, exciting, great stuff. Hyperactive, spasticated organ gets big thumbs up, tempo change is great, this is a band with lots of ideas and they all work. Which is a fine trick in itself, but the fact that they all work together is something else. 9 (EO)
I think they’re trying to be Basement Jaxx! Would have charted if it had a monkey video. 9 (SC)
The moment the Outkast bubble burst – a shame since it’s a great, mental record. It’s not actually about anything, which may have been its downfall, but on the other hand Bo Rhap sold a grillion. 9 (TE)
This is the first time I’ve heard this but I just know if I heard it more I would HEART IT. 8 (EH)
More acid farts than a Timmy sample bank! Better than most of the rest
of the album, which still doesn’t mean much. 7 (MP)
!??!!? Fast bits good, slow bits dreadful. 7, no! 3, oh alright then 5. (SH)
Why buy a whole album, when you can buy a single instead? It’s ‘B.O.B.’ and ‘Ms. Jackson’ in some kind of Batman/Superman World’s Finest team-up! But unfortunately this is the bit where they fight, not the bit where they win. 5 (PB)
I can’t be arsed with the tempo changes. 4 , although they are quite clearly geniuses. (KG)
Weird. 3 (AC)
01. THE DARKNESS – “I Believe In A Thing Called Love”
Score: 7.05 / Controversy: 3.59
Timberlake! Pharrell! THIS is how you sing in a high voice! 10 (SC)
Tough, nerdy, funny, happy, exciting, sexy, loud, GREAT. 10 (IE)
When the Darkness are no more, in fact when the world is no more (if you believe Mark Owen), this chorus will endure. Even if they’re a joke – and I’m not totally persuaded – there is no reason that funny records shouldn’t be great pop records too. This is what the new Daft Punk album should sound like. 10 (TE)
I always knew I was right about Helloween. 10 (MA)
The Tarkus! 10 + 10 for the polystyrene seafood platter and his pixellated ass. (EH)
Comedy metal genius. The fact that pop kids heart it and old boring rockers hate it is clear indication of its worth. 9 (EO)
The thing is that the lead singer gives me the screaming creeps. And so does the focus group’s attempts at singing along. Nevertheless 8/10 (KG)
Now listen, here’s a little trick to make things easier: the best way to listen to The Darkness is thinking of them not as a Hair Metal band, but as a band trying to capture the spirit of Bowie, Mott and early Queen. Granted, this is what the Hair Metal bands were trying to do, too, some of the time at least, but ‘I Believe In A Thing Called Love’ to me sounds very much like a direct link to the 70’s and there’s just no need to throw Poison in because that just results in a lot of headaches and debates about irony. I mean, look at the video for fuck’s sake! 8 (DR)
I never particularly cared for hairspray rock, so I’m at a total loss to
explain why I like the Darkness so much. Maybe it’s because I wish I
knew more people who could wring absurdity out of the already absurd. I
always picture them meeting as extras on the video shoot for “Safety
Dance”. 7.5 (MP)
I spent ages trying to figure out who the Darkness sound like (cf who they ripped off), I think I decided on bits of AC/DC, Van Halen, Queen, Tygers of Pan Tang wearing Hanoi Rocks’ outfits. Then it occurred to me, the past doesn’t matter, they aren’t the saviours of rock. Rock doesn’t need saving, it’s doing fine. They are as pop as Busted, and that’s a good thing! Kids aren’t going to start buying old Motley Crue CD’s more now than they ever did in the past. Anyway, this is the best song the Darkness have. 7 (JL)
I hate to pigeonhole rock as only belonging to a surly sect of biker dudes, but I swear this singer would have had his ass kicked had he dropped this stuff onstage in the 80s, in front of an audience who had no clue their music might ever be appreciated ‘ironically’. The Darkness represents the only case in which I will take Foreigner over something. 4 (DL)
I knew if I held out long enough that I’d finally get a chance to unload my Ratt and Scorpions albums for top dollar on eBay! 1 (SeC)