Hold on, say you, in what way is the horribly named Zits On Toast ever going to fit into a poncy edition of occasional FT food column “Cheap Food We Love”. Well Zits On Toast is what an acquaintance of mine once named what could otherwise be called poor man’s bruschetta, namely a bruschetta made with cheap crusts of sliced bread and cherry tomatoes. The name comes for the clever observation that said food stuff sported six hemispherical lumps of tomatoes, akin to boils – though boils of a very angry and tomatoey variety. Whilst I have tried to avoid this name for the food in my mind there are three salient facts that always bring it up:
a) left-over slivers of garlic, from being rubbed on the bread do add the requisite milky white counterpoint to the “boils”
b) The cherry tomatoes do “burst” in ones mouth
c) The olive oil can slightly resemble the clear plasma that follows the removal of zit juice
I had it for breakfast this morning, and it reminded me of the mistake I often make with this and more trad bruschetta. Namely that once you have rubbed the garlic on the slightly charred bread, you are left with almost a whole clove of garlic covered in black crumbs. It seems a waste just to throw this away, any therefore I often chop it up and put it on the bread. ERROR!!! Whilst the rubbing of the garlic is an essential part of this breakfast, the ingestion of an entire clove of raw garlic for breakfast is not one which you will thank yourself for two hours later. Or indeed while you are eating it. Though perhaps in the bleak midwinter the garlic will fend of cold, flu and vampires – it will also fend off humans, small animals and marriage proposals (I EAT IT EVERY DAY).
Anyway, bearing in mind all that is said here, here’s how to make zits on toast.
2 Slices Of Sliced Bread Crusts (Staler the better)
6 Cherry Tomatoes
One clove of garlic
Extra Virgin Olive Oil
Fresh basil if you have any
SALT AND PEPPER
Toast the crusts until slightly charred. Ie you want it rimmed with black, even if you hate burnt toast. Cut the clove in half, rub vigorously on the toast, starting with black edges as it acts as a garlic grater and loosens the garlic juices. When well rubbed DISCARD THE GARLIC. It may look like a waste, IT ISN’T. Arrange your halved cherry tomatoes on the bread in a way that will least remind you of zits or a rash. Dribble the olive oil on, and then rip your basil (PONCE!) and generous grinds of salt and pepper. ENJOY!